billy the kid: the documentary

“I’m not black, I’m not white, not foreign…just different in the mind – different brains, that’s all…” explains 15 year-old Billy in Jennifer Venditti’s provocative coming of age film. Billy's intuitive commentary and intimate verité footage reveal a unique attitude as he responds to a painful childhood, first time love, and his experience as an outsider in small town Maine. By turns humorous and disturbing, this portrait challenges the viewer to look beyond labels and contemplate the future of a teen still in the process of becoming. http://www.billythekiddocumentary.com/

Freaking Out

Some of my favorite things about yesterday include, but are not limited to:
- Frisco Freakout festival at Thee Parkside, SF's self-acclaimed dive bar. Proceeds benefit Creativity Explored, a nonprofit visual arts center for developmentally disabled artists.

- Mythical Beast via New Orleans, Austin now Kansas City. For the life of me, they are the most beautiful beasts ...
- Being loved. It's good to know that people you care about still care about you - maybe even more than they did before. It's like I always prepare myself for the worst and continually surprise myself by my thankfully failing pessimistic thoughts. The world really isn't a negative shit hole... just my interpretation of the what the future may hold. There are so many beautiful things out there. Like Brazil for instance... Almost everything is beautiful in Brazil. The sun, the sand, the hills, the views, the people, the food (but not the beer), the jungles... Jesse and I had the pleasure of being there for two weeks (not enough time) and it was dreamy.

Sadly, mango is out of season. I want some strong, powdery mango texture... I bought some yesterday and it was like gelatin. I miss you mango.

My favorite pants need to go to the tailor's. They suffered from last night/yesterday's debauchery. The story of their demise is a mortifying story at that and maybe - just maybe - one day I'll have the balls to post it on the web. I'm sure it will make you smile. Nonetheless, yesterday was a good day for me and my life. There's some about pulling all-dayers that really brighten up my horizons. All the great music, sunshine, socializing w/ good people, great beer and great pizza... it was a nice day. I should be giving more but I need to get to moving furniture in my house. And get down to listening to some Velvet Underground's 5-disc comp courtesy of Jesse. More soon!

Creepy Dreams

Last night was probably one of my more interesting dreamcapades. Fortunately my mind is healthy and runs amok like a wild banchee all over the world, committing FUN and sometimes HORROR and having a lot of sex but this dream was a bit wacko. During one point in the dream I think I was going to punch something and I literally, in my sleep, turned over and punched the wall. It was really loud but... I just went back to sleep. Then I was flying in the halls of Kennewick High School, my beloved high school. Go Lions! And I had a little baby and I was lost on the MUNI traveling all over the place to do something for this baby. At one point we were preparing for a disaster, probably an earthquake, and I was outside on a wee porch on the steps when I noticed that there was a humongous fucking spider with an electric blue ass. *P.S. Electric Blue is my favorite color. I ran upstairs to let my family know that there was an electric blue tarantula in the bushes and they were just like "Oh, yeah.. we called someone about that a couple of days ago and they should be here soon to check it out." Uh - kill that thing. It was a creepy one - let me tell ya. It's ok to kill your favorite color. Not sure how symbolic that really is.
The spider monster eventually came upstairs and grew into this lifesize Fat Albert and was trying to bite my bro. Since I'm always the hero in my dreams I somehow had the spider clench his teeth around my arm but somehow he wasn't biting me. It's like I was sucking all of the energy out of him. After he was done with pretend biting me he just kinda withered away and we were all merry friends. This always happens in my dreams: Chucky's trying to kill me and my friends and I turn around and say "No Chucky - let's be best friends. We love you." and little questions asked he just obliges and we trot off into the rainbow. Creepy but inspirational.

Just another manic ... Tuesday

Today I:
-just got done with Benefit Training Party. Yes, everything with Benefit is a party. This is definitely my brand.
-really, really want a tan.
-need a new swimsuit for Brazil.
-am waiting for my sushi to arrive.
-wish that I didn't care about money so much.
-am happy that my boyfriend took a kick ass job opportunity and hope that he's going to be incredibly satisfied at this new gig. He deserves it.
-do i need to wear more makeup? nah.
-i'm losing track here now...
-what is the deal w/ the female psyche? because of the environment i'm in everyday i'm starting to put myself down but deep down my more prevalent inner power is repeating that i am a beautiful young woman but i'm just not 5'10 and resemble Twiggy. eck. confidence boost is on my order form. i hope it falls into place soon. i should know better than to compare myself to these skinny, tall women but i feel as if it's only natural for some sad reason. even though i do accept myself the way i am and i do know i'm beautiful i've found that lately i've been thinking of ways to be MORE beautiful. but then again, i think that there's something okay with that yet still a bit damaging to my self esteem. catch 22.

never forget to love yourself. and tell yourself that ! can never say it enough...

IN TIME FOR THE PAINTED BIRD

1. This lingering cold has been on my nerves for the past week and I'm startin' to get a little MORE peeved. That and I feel like a really huge baby that keeps complaining about it over and over and over. But ya know what? I don't mind because last night I spent w/ my lover and I'm all good to go. Even with the sniffles.

2. I woke up this morning at around 8am from my cell phone alarm that I never fail to turn off. Even if I don't need to wake at the set alarm time I still, and this never fails, wake up repeatedly day after day because silly me doesn't remember to turn off her cell phone alarm. This is quite annoying. And I'm sure my precious boyfriend isn't amused by it either. But he loves me anyway. And he gave me his copy of The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski.



I'm opting for this rather than War and Peace because, well, I'm just not ready to tackle War and Peace yet. Plus my favorite store in SF just might have received it's name from this novel and that's inspiring enough. If you haven't pleasured yourself at Painted Bird yet in that "Oh I bought 10 things for less than $100" kinda way well you should go ahead and do that already! They're on 24th and Guerrero in the Mission District and you'll be really happy when you leave.




3. Funny that a different Painted Bird.com came up during my search. This guy, Richard Morgan, makes shore bird decoys. Maybe for fun... kinda looks like he does it for a living. Much like my good friend Nicole's papa. I think this was his favorite pastime and he spent many hours in their large garage going to town on birds in flight, birds sitting on logs, birds ... you get the point. He made a lot of birds - especially sea gulls.

4. So I woke up, drank some Raspberry Lemonade and headed home to mi casa. I only have a residency at my babe's house which is quite nice. I stopped off at Walgreen's and kinda wandered around aimlessly. First I went to the magazine section but there's nothing very enticing about Walgreen's magazine selection. And I'm not really interested in Hollywood's cutest babies right now so I headed over to the condom section. Interesting and pleasurable opportunities there... vibrating rings, His and Her gels ... But no, I didn't grab anything. The gel was $21! I'm broke and I have great sex for free. So I just ended up getting an Odwalla Berries GoMega bar and some cottage cheese. Breakfast! Walgreen's yes, but it was convenient.

5. So now I'm at home enjoying my Saturday (Monday) and getting ready for a night out tonight. With the sniffles. I'm going to prevail. But first I'm going to head to ODC Dance Commons for some Afro-Haitian dancing.



Love,
A

90s Model Biz

Ahem. When lil' Ashleicita was a precious 9 year old princess.... check. When Ashlei was 9 years old and watching soap operas her favorite soap opera consisted of a supermodel drama ... MODELS INC! Sadly after checking in on this drama 14 years later she finds out the reason her early morning ritual ended so early and her health probably didn't diminish was because of an abrupt ending to Models Inc.: 'Not as successful as most Aaron Spelling shows, "Models Inc." ended in less than a year.' [AOL Television]

This was on very early AM (which in television world is most definitely a suicide... especially for a model drama...) I would wake up around 6am and do cardio (at 9 yrs old) and watch Models Inc. Then I would trot off to my bus stop and head over to Cascade Elementary School to make bread bag jump ropes and play floor hockey amongst other things such as tetherball and getting in trouble for calling little boys 'bastards'.

So my appreciation for another no-name actresses and 1 almost-there actor such as Jonathan Schaech stemmed from this appreciation. By no name actresses I mean Gabrielle Beauvais... and Cassidy Rae. I most definitely remember Cassidy Rae (OMG so gorgeous) in the Lifetime classic .... I remember I thought the sun shined out of her ass. Carrie Ann Moss from .. and Kylie Travis (Gia) are also in this flop. But man I LOVED this show! After watching some stuff on youtube I realize why it went away so soon but at 9 I didn't even know that acting could be good or bad. ..

Thanks to this show I only ordered waters at McDonald's.

Cream of the Crop

He's the cream of the crop.
Not in my league.
At the moment I do
not really have one.

Dormant; release any
discomfort in current relations
and I'll keep you as far away as necessary
to keep you out of my mind.

Please do not rush and
keep in time along with me.
I'll see you around.
And think about you at all times
while feeling discomfort
and pleasure.